The Rapport Card.
Scoring High on Connection in Every Conversation.
Hey, I’m Penny Terry and I love writing about ‘soft skills’ while simultaneously hating the phrase ‘soft skills.’ At the moment I’m writing a 10-part series about hosting everything from meetings to podcasts, to events. Even if that doesn’t feel like your thing, I reckon you’ll get more out of it than you expect. We all host something, most days. Either way, we’ll return to regular programming once the series is done.
The other day, I caught the end of a Crowded House interview on TV. Even though it was just the last few minutes, I was instantly reminded of how brilliant their harmonies are and went spiralling into a Finn Brothers deep dive. You know the kind – where hours disappear, and suddenly, you’re trying to belt out high notes you have no business attempting!
Their harmonies really are next-level. I never quite know if I’m on the melody or the harmony line – they blend so seamlessly, yet remain distinct. And both are so familiar…
…and that’s exactly how it feels when you’re hosting: the balance between leading the conversation and blending with your guest is everything.
Two voices, in tune, in synch, yet distinct.
This is rapport.
Is this a metaphor? Or is it quite literal? Let’s find out.
If you want to score top marks on your Rapport Card as a host, these three strategies will help you find the right notes.
1. Connect: Find Common Ground
When you’re trying to create rapport with someone, it helps to start with a little background work. Think of it as tuning your instrument before you play. Doing some homework on your guests and then asking a few early questions helps you find that common ground fast – it’s like an instant warm-up to ease you in when the record button is hit.
Edelman’s Trust barometer tells us that we‘re more likely to trust people ‘like us’. Trying to find a shared human experience can fast-track this ‘like us’ connection. And Vinh Giang, a public speaking coach, backs this up: “The quicker you find common ground, the quicker you can create trust”.
2. Reflect: Mirror Their Energy
Mirroring is the technique of subtly matching someone's tone, body language, or energy level to build rapport and make them feel more comfortable and understood during a conversation. As the conversation unfolds, pay attention to your guest’s energy and what their body is doing. Are they animated or reflective? Try and adjust your tone to match them. If they lean in, lean in. If they laugh, laugh. Here the metaphor becomes literal - match your voice to complement theirs.
Richard Fidler, from the ABC's Conversations, says that mirroring energy is crucial to gaining trust. In Leigh Sales's book Storytellers he says “It’s like when you have guests to your house, you welcome them in, and in some ways, you mirror them. If they’re shy, you don’t smother them with your personality.” Graham Norton takes a similar approach. He has said in various interviews that his goal is to ensure that interviews feel natural and comfortable, describing them as “conversations, not interrogations.”. By matching the guest’s energy, he keeps things light and natural, ensuring the conversation flows smoothly.
Again, it’s about harmonising, not clashing.
3. Direct: Guide Without Leading
Here’s the trickiest part: guiding the conversation without making it feel like you're directing a movie. You don’t know what you don’t know, but then again, you do know some things. Giving your guests enough space to reveal new information is important, yet you also need some tricks to help them deliver the content you’d planned. Use your questions to direct the conversation to those key points you want to bring to life. Similarly, if a guest starts sharing a new story, use your curiosity, body language and importantly, your silence, to guide them to keep going. It’s about encouraging the conversation without taking over.
Louis Theroux is the king of this. When he is interviewed about his style, he often reflects on how he lets his guests feel like they’re leading the conversation. “Most of the time, I just let them talk. And often the most revealing things come out after I’ve stayed quiet”.
In this case, as the host, you’re more like a conductor - guiding the music without taking the spotlight.
Whether you’re finding common ground, mirroring energy, or subtly guiding a conversation, it’s about creating a sense of balance and connection. The best conversations, like the best harmonies, are a blend of voices where each one shines.
(Can I fit any more metaphors in?)
Next time you host, channel your inner Finn Brother and enjoy the harmony you create with your guests - your audiences will love it.
Hour of Power Series is LIVE
Tickets are officially on sale—whoo hoo! 🎉 I’ve put together 3 x 1-hour power sessions to transform you into a communications ninja. Sort of - precision, impact, a couple of stealth moves, but no nunchucks.
Here's what we’ll cover:
Ask Better Questions: Turn curiosity into clarity. Get the answers you need to solve the right problems by asking sharper, more insightful questions that build relationships quickly.
Tell Better Stories: Turn demand into influence. Drive engagement by presenting ideas that resonate, so your messages are not only heard but valued - pushing results forward faster.
Have Better Conversations: Turn interactions into actions. No more wasted chats! Learn to connect with purpose and inspire actions that lead to meaningful outcomes.
Click through, buy a ticket (or two), then send it to a friend or colleague and come along together. You won’t regret it!